my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I am spending my child support on dildos
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
