I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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