great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
