guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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