There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
