So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
