All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
