Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
