Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
