well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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