Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
