i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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