i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
