you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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