i would punch a child for taco bell
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
