all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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