then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
