I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
