I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
