More tranny stories later!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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