By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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