So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
