I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
and she was petting her beer can
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
