Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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