I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
