Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
