I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I love having hate sex.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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