He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
