I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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