5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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