is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
