i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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