Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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