What did we do last night that was yellow?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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