yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
