I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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