sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
