the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
