And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
