oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
