oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
