my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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