Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
