wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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