He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
