I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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