just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
