I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
