i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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