You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
